A few weeks ago I blogged my Inner Monologue for MLB Trade Rumors. They decided it didn’t suck that bad, and asked if I’d write down some more thoughts… so now, back by not a whole lot of demand, my Inner Monologue Part 2!
It’s 4:08pm on Saturday March 25th, 2017. My name is Tim Dillard. I’m 32 years and 614 days old. I’m a relief pitcher trying to win a spot for my 15th professional baseball season. I’m currently in Arizona as part of Minor League spring training with the Milwaukee Brewers baseball club team organization. I’m married and have 3 kids. I enjoy movies, Star Wars, and movies about Star Wars.
4:11pm I really need to work on my opening paragraphs for these blog things. I remember my speech teacher back in college saying that the key to giving a good speech or writing an article, is to always start off with a funny joke.
4:12pm But I can’t think of one.
4:13pm Probably because I’m a little pressed for time. My aforementioned offspring are enjoying nap/quiet time right now. And according to my calculations, they will be standing on the furniture in 47 minutes. And by furniture, I mean hotel furniture (so who cares really). And by my calculations, I mean my watch. And by my watch, I really mean the clock on my iPhone.
4:16pm Yesterday a teammate walked in the clubhouse carrying coffee and wearing a huge round fancy wristwatch. So just to be stupid, I asked him what time it was. The guy stopped… dug his watch hand into his pocket… and emerged with a smart phone. He hit the button to make the screen light up, but it was upside down. But after repositioning his coffee between his arm and chest, he managed to flip the phone right side up. “It isssssssss 6:37.”
4:20pm Oh no, just heard a faint child cry from the other room… I’m betting it’s either my 18-month-old or my 76-month-old.
4:23pm False alarm. It was the TV. Tell me again why ad agencies continually think it’s a good idea to have crying babies in their commercials? I may be alone on this, but the sound of a crying baby in the house puts me on high alert.
4:28pm Not sure why the TV was on anyway. I really don’t watch that often. Unless you count sports, or the Dancing with the Voice Bachelor Project show my wife insists we view together.
4:29pm During team stretch today, some of the guys were talking about the new Netflix show A Series of Unfortunate Events. Jokingly, I asked if that was the show loosely based on my baseball playing career… no one laughed. But honestly shouldn’t there be a show about the Minor Leagues?
4:34pm Think about it… the plot could center around a Triple-A team. It could be filmed in the offseason at any of the hundreds of unused baseball stadiums around the country. It would probably work best as a dramedy. And as far as casting and stunts, just call on former pro players who want to show off their acting chops! Quick, anyone have
Michael Bay’s err Steven Spielberg’s email?!
4:41pm Just imagine the movie Summer Catch… but like completely different in every way.
4:42pm Last week before batting practice, a bunch of position players were talking about the movies they have on digital download or their very legal hard drive. So me being fluent in the language of movies, I naturally butted in on the fun. But got some weird looks from the younger guys when I mentioned I had VHS growing up.
4:47pm That same day I had a milestone event in my baseball career! At the Angels stadium out here in Phoenix, I managed to pitch 2 different times in the same game! I came in to end the 3rd inning, then came in again to end the 4th. I know the rules can be bent in spring training, but pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve had 2 appearances in 1 game. Guess I can add that to my list of strange career highlights.
4:51pm It will sit right up there next to: bunting in a hail storm, pitching with a broken hand, almost winning a fan a new mattress, breaking a 107-year-old record for most hit batters in a season, escaping a bases loaded jam with ice cream on my face, being ejected, stadium lights turning off mid-pitch during a potential no-hitter, maintaining a career Major League batting average of .500, almost tackling Will Ferrell in the outfield, fielding a groundball off a giant boulder, hitting a bird mid-flight with a pitch… never mind, actually, that last one happened to Randy Johnson.
4:59pm No kids have emerged from slumber as of yet, so I guess I’ll keep typing.
4:59:49pm And not to brag, but I was once one of the top 10 or 15 typers in my entire 8th grade class. I was also third-string quarterback. And that same year, during Awards Day at school, I was unable to accept my Perfect Attendance Trophy due to sickness.
5:02pm Today starts the closing week of Minor League spring training 2017. And for players, it can be a very difficult and emotional time. With so many decisions left to be made, players wait, wonder, and worry about what will happen next. Which Minor League team roster will I make? Am I really ready for opening day? Who do I ask to be roommates for the next 5 months? How do I find an apartment in just a few days time? What if I don’t make a team? What if I get released?
5:09pm These thoughts are real. These thoughts are scary. And there isn’t a vaccine or antibiotic to stop them from spreading. (believe me)
5:11pm I told a rookie yesterday to stay strong and stay standing to the very end of spring training… I honestly have no idea what this means. May have stolen it from a Facebook picture with a cat on it. But I’d like to think what I meant was: to keep fighting and keep grinding and show the decision makers everything you are. That will put you in the best possible position to be awarded a baseball season.
5:13pm “I’m in a glass case of emotion!” -Ron Burgundy
5:14pm The sound of furniture under attack means I’m done for now.
To Be Concluded…
Can MLBTR do more of these with both minor and major league players?
Love Tim’s stuff here and on twitter. Makes me smile every day.
Love these so much. My dad and I are cracking up over this right now. Don’t worry Tim you have a future as a writer as a solid backup plan.
Created an account just to say I love these!
longing for a different era of baseball when there seemed to be more heart in the game. tim gets it. i wish more did as well. i would enjoy the fun of baseball more
Again, I love reading your work Dim and I am very glad to say that you are part of the Brewers’ organization. Go Brew Crew!
You’re hilarious. 🙂 Good luck!
Can’t even read it because he says “I’m 32 years and 614 days old”… isn’t that 33 years, 6 months, and 5 days? Or for ease of reading, 33 and a half?
I suppose it was a joke, in further reading.
It’s called comedy. Not wanting to admit to being 33….not everyone gets it. But that’s ok for you.
Not sure which is worse…. reading it or responding to it….. maybe if it were written by someone that was known outside the Brewer organization….. not only was Jim Bolton Seattle Pilot, but he was a New York Yankee….. that said, I would do anything to be in Tim’s situation… To be so good that you’re considered do you have little or no chance
People really should proofread present company included
Just love these pieces. It’s good to remind ourselves that the people playing this sport are just human beings with all of the insecurities and imperfections of those of us that watch.
Fantastic piece, as was the first! Your next piece should be to perform this journal as a video blog, and read it to Brett Phillips to make him do his cackle/laugh thing that he does.
I love it!